I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
