12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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