Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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