Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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