U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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