I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
His nipple licking is glorious
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