saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
