the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
