No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
