I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize