Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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