halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
