i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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