i will never coherently bang her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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