She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
