can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
