Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
