my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
