There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
