so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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