dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
