just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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