in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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