Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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