Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
