Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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