there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
