I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
