my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
