I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
