Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
