We're like a lot better than the average bears
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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