i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize