How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
40s are totally the cure
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
