id be glad to
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
