Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
