Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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