Christians are straight up FREAKS
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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