is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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