I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
