don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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