I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Be still, my beating vagina.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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