Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
