You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
