So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
