Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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