Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
