I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
