Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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