when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
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Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
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He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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