you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
