VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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