Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
