trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
