Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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