god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
