hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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