My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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