Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize