Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
