is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
