Don't make out with my wife yet
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
