My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
