Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
