im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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