i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
