the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
